We all know that Wikipedia, albeit not yet broke, is already pretty darn woke.
Now, of course, that is not enough. As noone really knows how to bring in and adjust the linguistic jungle of intersectionalists, all the tribulations and traps by the different tribes of antiracist racists and the rest of the woke lot to sites for sane people.
Now how to get to a Wokeypedia or Wokeepedia or Wokeopedia? The Great Encyclopedia of Accepted Woke Lore, given by The Elders of Wording?
Those shall be dire straits for the editors to be wandering, some Terf- or Trans- or Trisex-Cerberusses in ambush at every twist and corner, shitstorms coming in day and night, wading through swamps filled with fat red leeches, woke worms and germs warping into the digestion systems, sweating halfsyllables while self-castrated midges and mosquitoes and giant black spiders attack airborne as well as jumping out of every green, motley ravens and pink vultures gleefully picking at hundreds of wounds, iridescent blowflies having their feast on the half dry feces covering our hardy heroes, their eternal humming giving background sound to celestial curses.
It is worse than in any Greek tragedy or even any of Kafka’s dystopias, this is an overload of language itself.
The game is on.
As expected – I posted the above about an hour ago – have I received three phone calls already, basically they all wanted to recruit me as a voluntary, for-free-saviour of the Wikipdia anterprise.
Of course, they first went, endowed with more or less subtlety, more or less off on my fable. Then, thus seemingly having flammoxed me, they took on a tone more suave, offering me that I might be kept secret, for the best of myself as well as for the sacred cause.
They would not accept any bailout from my side. I could wail and wither and sail hither and thither in argument, but to no avail. Holding it would be me, as the main culprit for the overall decline and devastation of language if I did not sign up, took an oath to be all sincerely in, wholeheartedly, with all my wits and my still saveable eternal soul.
How to keep these loonies gone desperate recruiters of even me at bay?
They weren’t even that inarticulate or overall impolite. They even called me „Mr Göller“ (one, lo and behold, got the „ö“ right, and my forenames, in asking if he spoke to the desired person, as not „Mägnes“ and „Wulf“, but „Magnus“ and „Wolf“), they even used scholarly expressions like „if I may introduce myself and likewise the importance of this my calling on you“, then regurgitating some freemason speech about humaneness, solidarity, tolerance, equality and fraternity, then creeping on in by swinging to responsibilty, kindness and magnanimity, of which they deemed I could not be commiserably distancing myself, as I had proven in the fable.
There I made an end to this. I unequivocally demanded their real names, occupations and whereabouts plus a legal 10,000 $ payment, in advance, no guarantees of where or when or what from my side, to possibly take a preliminary look at things.
They all filibustered a little more, then hung up.
They are sure gonna send the next hounds of the pack, maybe Betas already. It is thus going to be 30,000 on the spot. No more of yon babble, pandering, gibberish.
Now I got in my first call in German. His accent told me that he was from Hamburg or thereabouts. I thus have to give some of the original here and translate it into intelligible English as best I can. As he might not have known of the afore callers and my 30,000 $ plus policy, I let him have a go.
„Sie haben sich immer als Patriot und in dem Zuge als ein Bewahrer des Reichtums der deutschen Sprache ausgegeben, und nun gehen Sie einfach so von der Fahne, ihrer Sache?“ (You have always posed as a patriot and along this move a caretaker of the richness of the German language, and now you just flee that flag, your sake?)
That was where I had enough.
„Wo sind Ihre Werke dazu? Nennen Sie mir wenigstens eins.“ (Where are your works on that? Name me at least one.)
„Nun, Herr Göller, ich bin ein Manager und Mittler, kann Ihnen aber versichern, dass wir schon einige andere von ihrem Format für die gute Sache gewonnen haben.“ (Now, Mr Göller, I am a manager and middleman, but I can assure you that we have already won over quite some others of your format for the good sake.)
„Haben Sie dabei irgendeinen Schwachkopf gefunden, der sich, außer mir, indem Sie wohl gelesen haben, was ich zu den vorigen Anrufen schrieb, ist ja schließlich Ihr Job, ohne masse Vorkasse auch nur Ihr Ansinnen überlegt hätte?“ (Did you find some moron then, who, besides me, in that you probably have read, as it is your job, what I wrote about the afore calls, had, without massive precash, even considered your request?)
„Dazu bin ich nicht befugt, etwas zu sagen.“ (On that I have no licence to say anything.)
„Gut, dann viel Spaß noch mit den Schwachköpfen.“ (Good, then go have fun with the morons.)
This round ended there. We shall see.
Now they are all out. This is almost undescribable.
My email box is near bursting by data overflow, I cut the phone off, as they try me in myriads. It WAS at 100,000 by now, folks. Conditions as described above.
The last call I took was presumably presented in northern South American Spanish. Very calm, well flowing, nice and clear.
Sorry that I now cannot give the transcription perfectly, as for the needed special characters, but it should, the English translation added, do what’s due.
„Buenas tardes senor Goller, sabemos que usted es un amante de la lengua Espanola. Como podriamos conseguir su asistencia para conservar lo bien, ser un lider en la lucha de no intimidar ni ninos ni mujeres ni aun hombres de buenos intenciones?“ (Good afternoon, Mr Goller, we know that you are in love with the Spanish language. How could we achieve your assistance for holding on to the good, be a leader in the fight of not intimidating neither children nor women nor even men of good intentions?)
„Tres millones de dolares.“
Here we go.
Now they come and want me to delete all of this. Or else…
They have all gone completely nuts.
First glances at possibly partly redemptive measures now stand at 10, 000, 000 $.
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